BusinessBalls

There are a number of vogue ‘business speak’ speak words and phrases that really annoy me. As I earn around 50% of my income as a corporate trainer I get to hear them more than most. Here are a few of them:

1. ‘Best Practice’

This annoys me because I believe in the infinite creativity of people and the potential we have to do something effectively in ways that are unique to us as individuals. The words ‘Best Practice’ imply only one way. A surefire way to stifle initiative and innovation in employees. I notice that some organisations have even started to develop ‘Best Practice’ departments. Surely a recipe for ‘our way is the only way’ thinking. And corporate death as a result.

Government ministers (Ruth Kelly in particular) use this a lot because they think that by using it they signal that they have a handle on their ministerial portfolio and what success means in, for example, the health sector. Will a journalist one day ask her what ‘Best Practice’ means because it means nothing to me at all.

To be able to adapt to the situation you find yourself in to me is a priceless life and workplace trait and will be increasingly so in the future. ‘Best Practice’ is the antithesis of that.

2. ‘Competencies’

Is there a job ad that doesn’t include the word ‘competence’. As opposed to what – incompetence? Competence means base level ability to me. Is that what our organisations want to employ? Surely they want the excellent rather than the merely competent?

And things are getting worse. I see the increasing use of ‘competency matrices’. People get employed to develop this gibberish – usually in Human Resource Departments. What does this add to any organisation? It sucks the money out of investment in the future and sucks the life out of people as it drags them down to a base level of mere ‘competence’.

3. ‘Human Resource Development’

I have blogged on this one in the past. As my fellow blogger Arkangel (http://simplepleasures3.blogspot.com) has recently said, was there a more cold, calculating, inhuman phrase put together to refer to human beings?

4. ‘Singing From the Same Hymn Sheet’

Which means theirs not yours.

5. ‘No-brainer’

Usually said by those who have lost the ability to think at work i.e. lost their brain.


6. ‘Let’s Brainstorm this’

‘Let’s get all the ideas out on the table so that you feel better but in the end we’ll do it my way anyway’.

If I ever use any of the above in my books you have the right to turn me into a human resource (whatever that is). Actually I do use ‘Brainstorming’ in my new book on creativity but I take the position of the cynic on this one. We know that , for most of us, we do not get our best, most creative thoughts in this 'forced' environment. Most of us need time - get the problem on the back-burner - to come up with a creative solution.